Reconnecting

Something happened today – I think I realized I need to actually try to get myself out of this three month funk. I apologize for general delayed communication with so many of you. The last three years at school in Indiana have always just seemed like a waiting game, a necessary holding stall to wait in. As such, I have just been living as if I need to tuck my head and bide my time to do the things I love – such as spend time with family and friends in written form or otherwise. Perhaps I have been dishonest with myself, and have been less intentionally than I want and should live.

This is my attempt to move forward, to act in a way that contributes to me becoming the person I want to become.

Where am I; what am I doing with my great and wonderful life? I am currently in Bloomington, Indiana, working 60-100 hour weeks as a Direct Support Professional (DSP) for people with developmental disabilities. In May, I graduated from Indiana University with Masters in the field of Public Affairs (MPA) and Environmental Science (MSES). I have applied to hundreds of jobs that specifically focus on my interests and skills in risk assessment and hazardous materials and waste management. But around June, I stopped applying so much, and just settled behind the ease that comes with continuing to work at the same place of employment for three years now. While I enjoy my current work immensely, I am aware that I have not been entirely authentic in putting forth effort to become who I should be temporally, professionally, or spiritually.

Settling… Not ideal, and typically not my style. The only voice of reason as to why I am here, resting still is because I am tired. I to some degree enjoy the anonymity of my life here. Somehow someway I need to move on. May the dear Lord help me to do so, for I am in desperate need of mercy and some power that comes from a place outside of my own weary spirit.

What’s next? I still do not know. Any ideas or words of encouragement are welcome. My sister (TN) has quite frankly reminded me – it is time to begin writing again. I will be attempting to continue this social reconnection process in the coming weeks. God give you the grace to bear with me, but also to share your life with me, too.